You can watch a performance of this piece here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnisg2eknuM

Version 1: The letter to my husband and our therapist. My Truth.

Queerness cums from Earth, Water, Life. Queerness is about embracing the magic all around us. About play, about breaking all the rules in the stories I was and, am still, being fed. Queerness is embodying messiness, its messing around, its letting go of the illusion of (and addiction to) control.

Queerness is releasing literally EVERYTHING I was told to be and how I was told to be it. Queerness is refusing to dam up our eroticism, refusing to shut down what we feel.

Queerness is embodied liberation.

Abundance.

Version 2: Just for us. Also Truth.

What does queerness mean to me?

Queerness is digging in my own flesh, with my finger nails, picking, bleeding,

Finding all the places that their stories of my gender, worth, and femininity have gotten their hooks in me.

Gingerly removing them, as if from a fishes mouth.

Tossing them back like an oyster, letting their dying nourish whatever new being is

be-cumming in me in that moment.

The stories they told that my existence, my value, my future,

was for serving others.

What’s funny, is that they were right.

But not in service to men,

nor to mothers whose victimhood became their identity and their protection.

I am here to be of service.

But not to make myself smaller so they can feel larger,

not to anticipate their every need.

No.

Queerness is being the willing and eager submissive of water. Its being of service

because I desire to be, long to be.

Because it feels good.

Because the erotic is ancient spirit power coursing through me.

Queerness is essential,

elemental,

its being fluid,

being powerful.

Its is refusing to be tethered to who we were 5 seconds ago.

Its being a good little slut, being whatever is turning Spirit on in that moment.

Queerness is change.

Queerness is ancient.

Is water, tree, stone, sun’s warmth on our skin.

Its coyote song. Its the echo of loon.

Queerness is being exactly what this moment calls for.

Its standing in my power.

Its being of service to LIFE.

So that all life can thrive,

so that LOVE can thrive and flow.

Queerness is being who I am in this moment,

whoever WE are,

for this is no I in this body.

Only trillions of cells working together so we can move across the Earth,

so we can give the gifts we are here to give.

There is no I in this body,

it is we: the ancestors that gave our lives so that this body could stand tall,

we are the water spirits and queens in our lineages,

we the living beings that gave our lives so this body could eat.

We are the land and waters that make life possible.

Queerness is giving up the story of separation

Of individualism,

of human exceptionalism.

Its freedom and liberation. But not without commitment, no,

only with obligation, ligament, lig:

meaning to tie me to you, to everything.

It is accepting that we are of this world,

that we are meant to be here.

Queerness is stepping into the pain of it.

The grief, the sorrow,

the heartbreak

of all we have lost,

destroyed.

How much we have forgotten.

And it is refusing

to look away.

Queerness is embodying the everchanging, sacred nature

of everybeing

Taking them into us

And making love.

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